Boy Clout

In raising boys, I often witness the discovery and practice of their boy power. Boy power is the ability of a young male to exercise a false superiority over female counterparts. For instance, consider the kitchen.

My sons can easily have any food item they want, prepared to order, by simply asking any woman (it doesn’t work on men). Even if a request requires a supermarket run, it is almost always fulfilled. Unfortunately, this is an instance when boy-power actually trumps man-power. It’s usually a grandfather or me who makes the supply run. I’ve noticed girls can’t have what they want when it comes to food because the other older females are concerned the young female may consume the food in an inappropriate manner or gain weight.

Another great power of boys is the ability to wear anything anywhere at anytime. Colors, textures, styles and personal grooming aren’t a factor until we decide girls are something desirable. Upon this discovery, we dress like the pictures in the store or catalog and instantly receive female approval. Girls are expected to have impeccable style from the first onesie to the casket dress.

Finally, boys can express bodily functions easily and in any location without reprimand. If a boy needs to void his bladder or pass gas from either end he is free to do so without committing a faux pas. Girls aren’t so fortunate and subsequently become somewhat higher maintenance until full potty training is achieved.

Many of these powers continue into manhood, but as mentioned above, the man-power is often trumped by boy-power in the presence of women.

Divorce

Divorce is such a messy never-ending affair when children are involved. My wife and I both come from divorced families with all parents remarrying. This meant our wedding had four moms and four dads. It wasn’t as bad as you imagine.

One part of divorce I’ve never understood is how two people who had at least one child together can claim they are no longer related upon completion of the legal requirements for divorcing. Logically, if

A + B = C and C still exists, then A and B must be related. Stated another way:

A = C
B = C
Therefore, A = B.

In other words, if Two People mate, produce offspring and then decide to no longer associate, the Two People are still related because they are both linked to the child. State or Church can never revoke the fact that mom is related to the child and dad is related to the child. So how can two who divorce act is if they aren’t related? At least this has been my experience. I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m too simple.

Out of the Locker Room and into the Gym

A continuation of my last post, this one is more specific to my gym.

Swim Guy. Obviously, he’s a swimmer. He is also a nice guy who is always two lockers down, even when I move to a different locker.

Peculiar Foreign Guy. I have nothing against any culture or nationality. He just happens to be foreign and smiles too much as he stares at you. It’s not just me, I’ve seen him do it to other people.

Token Chiseled Guy. He’s an older individual who struggles every morning to keep his body buff. He’s losing the battle.

Big Talker. He’s always at the gym but never works out. He distracts everyone else because he’s always talking about how much he lifted on the particular exercise you are currently doing.

Pump Monkey. If he isn’t on juice, how does he get so grotesquely gigantic?

Hyper Guy. This fellow sweats more than anyone else in the gym. He slings weights much too heavy for good form yet is never injured. Get out of his way because he will bump you.

Silent But Deadly. Argh. Why must you continue to pass gas and then act as if it is a surprise to you that the funk goes everywhere you go? We all know it’s you. Just join the morning poopers before hitting the weights.

Locker Room: an Observation

I’m a sporadic 5:00AM work out guy. The problem with this is I’m not a morning person. Five is just what works considering I have a wife, two young sons and a job. Unfortunately, most of the guys at my local YMCA are overly nice morning people. I just find some of the accepted behaviors in our male locker room to be peculiar. To protect the innocent, I will describe some scenarios and personality types:

There is the entire naked men issue. This isn’t so bad when everyone is moving about, politely looking up and not trying to strike up a conversation. I have to agree with Seinfeld on naked men; our bodies are like Jeeps: for function only.

Shower talkers. I don’t speak in the shower even when addressed. I don’t care if it’s rude. One of my best friends is also a sporadic 5:00 guy. If we stood side-by-side in the shower, we would act as if the other didn’t exist and not be the least bit offended. It never fails though, there are always shower talkers who carry on, tell jokes loudly, fake laugh at each other and move around unnecessarily.

Poopers. We have two guys who poop about 5:15. I know this because of the mornings I run late. They are proud poopers, too. These are probably military guys who can poop on demand anywhere. I’m actually jealous.

Slow Dressers. These are the ones who take up an inordinate amount of space, apologize constantly, and never correct their rude actions.

Feet People. They invest in high-end anti-microbial foot protection. These expensive flip-flops only come in loud feminine colors.

Naked Shaving Guys. This is the worst offense. Standing at the sink row, in the buff, with one’s mid-section pressed against the counter edge as the individual leans in to the mirror and shaves. The effect is a pube forest growing from the counter's edge. I can’t think about this when I use the sinks.

Ashamed. These people, if they even attempt to change in the gym, will have near panic attacks any time someone comes near. They never shower at the gym.

So where do I fall? Normal. I’m the guy who doesn’t fuss about. I’m aware of invisible personal spaces, I wipe down the public sink area when I’m done and completely empties my locker.

Great Smoothies

If you enjoy smoothies, stop buying the ice-based, powder flavored, artificially colored $5 mixes from the local smoothie store. The key to great tasting, full flavored, smooth smoothies is to use frozen fruits instead of ice.

For homemade smoothies, your largest investment will be the proper blender. You need to find an ice-crushing two-speed blender (not a handheld smoothie blender) and will probably pay around $100. Then buy a bag of frozen strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, and any other type of frozen fruit you like. Pick up a bunch of over ripened bananas. You may want to purchase pineapple juice and mango juice, too. If you choose to buy juices, pick up extra ice trays. Finally, you need to purchase skim or plain soy milk to use as the liquid base.

When you get home, peel and slice the bananas no larger than ¼ inch then lay them flat in a plastic bag in your freezer. By keeping them flat, they are easier to break apart. Then pour the juices in the ice trays and put the trays into your freezer.

Once all of your ingredients are frozen, you can poor the liquid base into the blender followed by an equal amount of frozen fruit. Blend on low for about 1 minute, then on high until smooth. If you taste it and want a sweeter mix, add a high grade honey or artificial sweetener (Splenda® works well). You can make the mixture thicker by adding more frozen fruit or thinner by adding more liquid base.

If you decide to make this into an adult beverage, use alcohol that has been stored in your freezer and double the amount of sweetener you would usually add. By freezing the alcohol, you keep the smoothie from becoming too thin too quickly. Doubling the sweetener keeps the edge off of the alcohol.

Lastly, I never mix more than three fruits. Generally, two works best. Enjoy!

Smoothie blender links:

• Everything Kitchens


• Next Tag


• Kitchen Universe

Mentor

Many years ago, the division of the company I work for created an environment where I was able to establish a mentor/mentee relationship with a senior executive. It actually worked well because the relationship developed naturally over several years. I could always safely approach my mentor in confidence with any professional or personal questions. It was refreshing to have an influential person within the company with whom I could entrust any political issue, critical decision or personal struggle.

Then, three years ago, the big North American parent company decided to formalize the mentor/mentee relationships by force fitting people together, setting goals and encouraging non-working relationship building. Ultimately, this approach failed. However, I still meet monthly with my original mentor even though he is no longer with the company.

Out of my good mentor experience grew my desire to become a mentor. So, two years ago, I became the mentor of a man who is 8 years my junior. We met today and usually meet about once per month. He’s a hard working guy struggling to find his way. I don’t know how much he gets from me, but he helps me stay sharp and keep an open mind.

His questions deal a lot with life skills and force me to articulate things I haven’t thought about in years. As far as an open mind, well, he’s expanding his tattoo collection and has decided his ink looks better sans hair. For his job, he wears shorts with short-sleeve shirts. His latest art takes up most of the lower half of his right leg. But he’s only shaving the part of his leg with the tattoo instead of the entire leg. He doesn’t like how the hair distorts the art. I don’t have anything against tattoos or shaving, but I probably would have chosen a spot requiring less maintenance.

All of this is well and good, but made me realize I hit my mentor with stuff all the time that probably challenges him and opens his mind. We are different, but have a mutual respect for each other’s ideas, maintain honesty and truly care about each other’s lives. That’s what makes the relationship work. I hope that’s what I’m giving to my mentee, too.

Music Seeker

Recently I’ve downloaded two albums from iTunes: Ra’s Duality and TV on the Radio’s Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes. I have been burned out on my 70 days worth of iPod tunes for months. I hate to admit this...70 days worth of music and I’m sick of all of it.

I’ll listen to almost anything. I have all genres of music dating back to the 1940s. I really want something creative and smart: excellent music and well-thought lyrics. Please offer suggestions.

Bagel Guy

This morning as I pulled into the parking space at the front door of the local Big Company name brand bagel shop, I spotted a guy on the inside who was sitting oddly close to the door. He locked in on me. Great. Of course, I stared back as I casually approached the door.

He sported white socks tucked into light brown leather loafers, khaki shorts and a matching khaki shirt. His torso hunched forward, elbows propped on the table, both hands gripping the bagel which hovered in front of his unshaven face. Then he opened his oral orifice and took a large bite out of his dainty bagel. Once his teeth gripped the poor thing, he tore his head to one side ripping a large portion of the bagel away from his hands. Then with one chop, the huge hunk of dough disappeared.

I couldn’t help thinking I was walking into the entrance of a cave and was witnessing a Cro-Magnon man tear meat and tendons off the bloody toe joint of a wooly mammoth. Feeling a bit gassy, I strategically dropped a silent killer as I walked past him.

I patiently waited for a cough and even glanced back to catch a glimpse of his wincing face. But I was disappointed. What went wrong? Oh, man! What if some how, instead of offending, he considered my silent attack a silent delight? In my morning haze, I misjudged. Now I’ve probably created some type of prehistoric bond with the door guard. I hope he isn’t there tomorrow.

Definition

There are numerous elements to effective communication, such as an acceptance of terminology, an understanding of participants (speaker and audience) and a shared interest in either a topic or each other.

Concerning terminology, the following definitions will help establish a common ground for my PackMentality audience:

Pack [pak] – collection of things; group of animals

Mentality [men-tahl-ih-tee]—perceptual framework; intellectual ability

Virile [veer-el]—masculine

Dog [dawg]—canine; domestic animal that barks

Figuratively, I’m a masculine dog who prefers to associate with a collection of people. Literally, I’m a father of two boys, 3 and 5, husband of one wife, close friend to a choice few and an acquaintance with a gracious plenty. My wife, sons and close friends are my pack and I cherish them all.

Please share a bit about yourself so I can tailor my topics to areas of interest for us all.

Best regards!

VirileDog